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Demonstrators rallied in April against the use of generative artificial intelligence in New York City schools.
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Demonstrators rallied in April against the use of generative artificial intelligence in New York City schools.
“Adults know about social, economic, cultural issues, but kids don’t understand all that yet,” said Catherine Collins, with her twins, Edison and Aria, in Clarendon Hills, Ill.
Children learning to garden with their mothers during a “Kids Farm Day” event earlier this month in Aberlin Springs, an “agri-community” in southwest Ohio.
I never wanted an Elf on the Shelf. But last year, just when I thought we were exiting the believing-in-Santa years, my daughter saved up her money and asked me to drive her to Target to buy an elf. So now I have to put this thing in a new cute and creative position every night. It’s December 4 and I’ve already run out of ideas.
My daughter, by the way, ignored my objections that a magical creature with free will and capable of high speed international travel should not need to be purchased, and in fact, cannot ethically be owned. We brought the elf home last year, and I dutifully used salad tongs to remove it from its package and place it on the mantel. (I tried not to laugh, but honestly this was the best part.) She named it Star. And somehow we got through the season.
I remember getting bored with placing it here, versus placing it there. The elf can’t be touched, so anything you put it on or in can’t be used all day. But we got through the season. I positioned it with other toys, and at one point seated Star at a dollhouse table with a bobblehead of Fred from Scooby Doo. This must be a date, my daughter declared. By Christmas Eve they were married. (I made a little wedding dress and veil out of tissues.)
But now it’s another year. I hoped my daughter would forget about the elf. She has emphatically not forgotten, and cannot wait to see what kinds of adventures could top the marriage storyline from last year. Sigh.
AI can do anything these days, right? I wouldn’t trust any LLM for factual information, but I’ve found them helpful for brainstorming in the past. Surely ChatGPT or Claude could give me some ideas for what to do with this darn elf. After all, they did such a great job helping my fellow Lifehacker writer Stephen Johnson pick out a gift for his son! (Do not click that link if you want to continue thinking of AI as intelligent.)
I had seen other lists of Elf on the Shelf ideas that involved lots of mess or finicky setups. I get that “elf making a mess” scenarios are probably hilarious and boundary-pushing for their toddler-aged demographic, but I am not going to clean up all the sprinkles or glitter the elf “gets into” (i.e., that I pour all around her). So I asked ChatGPT specifically for “ideas for Elf on the Shelf that are quick and easy and NOT MESSY (no food).”
Point in ChatGPT’s favor: it did not suggest anything with food. It gave me 20 ideas to start with. These are the ones that looked viable, if boring.
Elf with a small toy. “Place the Elf next to a small toy or action figure. You could have it holding the toy or sitting next to it, as if they’re playing together.” (On the one hand: yes, this meets the requirements. On the other: we’ve done a lot of this, and our elf can only have so many husbands.)
Elf taking a nap. “Lay the Elf down in a cozy spot, like a tissue box or a mitten, with a tiny blanket made from a napkin or cloth. A small pillow or cotton ball can complete the setup.” Sleeping on the job?! But, OK, could be cute.
Elf on a swing. “Use a piece of string or yarn to create a swing, and place the Elf on it. You can hang it from a shelf, light fixture, or a chair.” Sounds precarious, but maybe doable.
Elf using miniature furniture (been there)
Elf in a stocking (done that)
Not much to go on there. There were several head-scratching suggestions too, like this one: “Elf on the phone: Place the Elf next to a toy phone, a pretend laptop, or even your real phone (if it’s nearby). The Elf could be making a “call” to Santa, or checking in on who’s been naughty or nice.”
My real phone?? I don’t think ChatGPT understands that this is an all-day proposition. The elf doesn’t just borrow your phone “if it’s nearby.” Even more perplexing was “Elf on a shelf in a jar: Put the Elf inside a jar (or a clear container), and add a small note saying, "Caught me!" It gives the illusion that they’ve been 'caught' by you.”
I’m supposed to surprise my child with the fact that they have been chasing the elf around with a jar? I don’t think the premise works, nor does it make sense to capture the elf. The elf willingly comes to our home every night (according to legend) and if we were to trap her here, she wouldn’t be able to do the communications with Santa that the child is so invested in.
ChatGPT also suggested I set the elf up in “spy” scenarios (she is already a spy), give her “a holiday card in hand” (those hands don’t hold anything, have you tried?), or “Place the Elf with a small stick, straw, or a pencil as if they’ve been practicing magic or casting spells.” I’m not sure how a pencil next to the elf (or even in its hand, if I could manage that) is supposed to be interpreted as a magic wand.
But that’s just ChatGPT. Claude is supposed to be smarter. Let’s see.
Claude still holds the title of the AI with the least grating personality. When I asked it “what do I do with this fucking elf?” it cheerfully asked me what [the hell] kind of elf I was talking about. It did not read the room though, since its very first suggestion was “Have the elf 'making snow angels' in a pile of flour or powdered sugar.” Or it could draw mustaches on family photos (what?!) or make a mess with decorations or zipline across the room.
“These need to be lazy and easy ideas,” I told it. “No messes. No going out and buying supplies. Definitely no ziplines.”
It then responded with what you might call the opposite of ideas. Just put the elf somewhere, it said. Kitchen counter. TV. Windowsill. Bookshelf. “The less effort, the better.” I agree with the sentiment, but I was hoping for something more. After a few more rounds of nonsense (eating all the marshmallows from the hot cocoa mix? Are you serious?) I finally coaxed it into giving me a few good ones:
Elf sitting in a toy car like it's driving
Elf pretending to read a tiny book
Elf "yoga" pose next to a houseplant
Elf "sleeping" in a small toy bed
Elf "riding" a stuffed animal
There were some misunderstandings about size here as well. The elf could look through binoculars made of toilet paper rolls. (It could not.) It could wear a small sock as a hat. (How small do you think socks are??) It could be “posed like it's taking a selfie near a phone.” Whose phone, and how could she possibly do a selfie pose with a phone that’s as big as she is?)
I realized I would have to help a bit more. I told Claude about the romance storyline from last year. Could it suggest any similar, easy storylines?
Not only did it agree, it told me my wedding gambit was “hilarious.” (Thank you, Claude.) It suggested that the elf go on a journey toward becoming a rock star. The elf could discover a toy guitar (“or air guitar,” but that would be tough to read—I could make one out of cardboard, though.) The elf could practice singing, try on sunglasses, make a band poster, audition in front of other toys acting as judges, sign a record deal, and finally play her first concert. Maybe a little backwards in chronology, but workable in concept.
I asked for more ideas, and got an elf “escape” story. I’m sorry, but Star already magically travels to the North Pole every night. We are not holding her captive. I also nixed the “spy” storyline; she’s a spy already, that’s the whole deal. There was a “failed magician” storyline where the hints are simply things like “Day 4: Looks like he's trying to do a magic trick. Day 5: Another 'failed' magic moment.”
Finally we hit pay dirt. Training for the Olympics! The elf can stretch, lift weights, practice a sport, and finally earn a medal. This sounds doable. Let’s try.
OK, position the elf like she’s stretching for a workout. Up to this point I’d never done much posing with the elf; I’d just plopped her, seated, into different settings. But now she needs to become more athletic. I discovered that there are basically no stretches you can easily do with your hands stitched together. So I cut the thread to separate her hands. But now it was hard to get her positioned in anything other than a seated pose. Her body is heavy. Her legs can’t hold her up. I’m not sure even Adriene would be able to find this girl an accessible position other than Savasana, which would just make it look like I killed her.
Finally, I managed a sort of runner’s stretch, but knocked down a flowerpot (which broke) in the process. Score: Claude 1, me 0.
Let’s try some real sports. Baseball, Claude suggested, with a pencil for a bat. Once again we hit the “what is that pencil supposed to be?” problem. How to make it look like a bat? Other bullet points suggested that I could put the elf “near a pencil” for a balance beam, or use a “pencil as javelin” for track and field events.
Well, I managed to find a sports-themed pencil. I taped her hands to it in what would have looked like a baseball-ish pose, if only the tape had managed to stick to felt. I couldn’t find a way to stand her up, so she played seated. (Maybe her next sport should be goalball, which the kids and I genuinely enjoyed watching during the Paralympics). And I set up her bobblehead husband with a cardboard baseball glove. Claude scores again.
This is all so much work, though. If I go this route I’ll have to make toothpick dumbbells. I’ve heard you can thread floral wire through your elf’s arms and legs to make them poseable, so I’ll be going out for supplies. This was supposed to be easy, Claude!! But Claude can no longer help me. I ran out of free messages. I am on my own now. Time for the elf to take a nap, drive a car, and maybe start some drama with her husband.
Summer vacation has begun for many of us, and chances are your kids are spending their free time in front of a screen instead of enjoying the nice weather. We won't repeat the warnings about children and screen time here, but we admit it: Pulling them away from whatever video game is capturing their attention can be tricky. If they're bouncing off the walls, however, then some sunshine and exercise might change their attitude. "My kids are the best selves outside, and we've noticed a difference," says Shirra Baston, the founder and editor of the blog Get the Kids Outside.
If you're looking for ways to get them to spend time outdoors, here are a few ways to find some fun and help instill in them an appreciation of nature.
True, you're trying to get your kid off screens. But that doesn't mean you can't use technology to help instill a sense of curiosity in children and learn more about the world around them.
For daytime exploring, check out PlantNet (iOS, Android)—a free app that identifies plants. Reviewers say the app gives quick and accurate results without annoying ads. And get your kids interested in their winged neighbors with the Merlin app, which will record and ID any birds in the vicinity.
Baston recommends trying the SkyView app (links to the "lite" version: iOS/Android) when the sun goes down. Point your camera at the sky, and the app will identify planets, stars, constellations, and even satellites.
A few years ago, I made a mess in my backyard by putting Mentos in a bottle of Diet Coke, but my boys loved it (and learned a bit from it). That's just one of the science experiments you can try outdoors. You can show your kids how people told time before watches by building a sundial or making a homemade solar oven to make s'mores. This website is a great place to start if you need some inspiration, and this video also has some fun, simple activities that will hold your child's attention:
Many botanical gardens and nature preserves offer programs tailored for children and families. These include yoga classes, scavenger hunts, and flashlight evening walks.
If no classes or activities are available, try encouraging your kids to feel the grass under their feet or notice the butterflies and insects that call the grounds their home. Let them experience the different scents of the flowers and ask about their favorites. When you get home, have them search for any similar scents or plants in your backyard.
Sidewalk chalk is an old but reliable standby that can fire up your child's imagination. However, making hopscotch boards or drawing butterflies can quickly become tiresome for your kids.
Baston recommends having some ideas ready on the fly to keep them occupied. You could start a tic-tac-toe game using sticks, rocks, and acorns or go on a hike and give each other points for each animal or tree they see.
"You could make it up on the fly," adds Baston. "That's the beauty of nature. There's always something new and different that you can see."
Monet did it. So did van Gogh. Pissarro was also a huge fan of plein air painting—the act of painting outdoors. Grab some easels, canvases, brushes, and paints, (this set has everything you need) and head to a picturesque spot near your home and spend the day painting what you see. You can paint "pretty little trees" like Bob Ross or be like Renoir and go for an impressionist style. There really is no right or wrong way to do it as long as you and your child are having fun.
You can transform nature into a masterpiece as well. With your kid, gather up leaves, flowers, twigs, acorns, stones, and anything else you can glue down. Your kid can create stick figures using actual sticks or craft a collage with leaves and petals—or transform a rock into a creature with this activity kit.
In Bluey, there is an episode when the titular blue heeler and her friend Mackenzie make boats using a piece of tree bark and other natural items to help them sail down the stream in their preschool. The show's official website has instructions to help you get started, but the internet has plenty of great ideas to take things to the next level.
Another Bluey episode involves an invasion of fairies inside the Heeler home. If your kids love these mythical creatures, why not help them attract a few by assembling a fairy garden? It can be as easy as building a home with popsicle sticks and planting herbs in a wicker basket. If you want to take it to the next level, grab some moss, rocks, and garden gnomes at your local landscaping store to give the fairies an elaborate home they can't resist. This kit can help your kid get started.
A walk in the woods can be a great outdoor activity for the whole family, but sometimes your kid isn't into it—or is too little to hike any real distance. In that case, Baston recommends letting them be the leader and decide your family's direction (within reason, of course—we don't want you getting lost).
She explains, "You have to be okay with not necessarily reaching the destination you want to reach. It gives them a sense of ownership and accountability to the activity and engages them a lot more."
They're small, expensive, and hurt when stepped on. Yes, I am talking about LEGO, the construction set that, for 75 years, has sparked creativity in children and those who refuse to grow up—but you may not realize that LEGO isn't the only game in town. In addition to the company's many imitators, there are other construction systems that don't have a hit movie franchise or theme park behind them. Yet, they are perfect for different age ranges and purposes that your child may enjoy. Below are 12 alternative brands offering young users a creative outlet for their ideas.
The internet, being what it is, loves to debate about whether LEGO or K'Nex are the better construction set. The truth is that the system of interlocking plastic rods, connectors, motors, and other components is geared (pun intended) more toward those interested in engineering than building, but that hasn't stopped builders from making models of space shuttles and roller coasters with this system designed over three decades ago.
According to the reviews on its product page, children won't use the instruction book included with this colorful, groove-based construction set for long. Despite Playstix's unusual shape, users pick up on how to use them right away, quickly constructing everything from cars to houses to furniture, and the color of each piece represents its length. Parents also mention in their reviews that Playstix is the perfect toy to calm a child's busy mind.
Bricks and sets from LEGO can get mighty pricey. Most of the sets my 8-year-old wants would take years to save for on his allowance. However, there are alternatives. Mould King is a brand based in China that manufactures sets similar to the building bricks based in Denmark...almost. They also cost significantly less. Whereas an AT-AT Walker from The Empire Strikes Back costs a pretty penny from LEGO, Mould King's nearly identical set is more than two-thirds less in price, and most reviewers state it's a good value for the money. However, some builders in the comments strongly disagree, so have some glue handy when putting sets together if you want them to stay intact.
Aimed toward toddlers and preschoolers, these colorful, chunky blocks are perfect for developing brains that crave stimulation. I never thought much of them when I saw them in my child's daycare, but when I view what kids have built on the product's Amazon page, they might be the most underrated STEM toy on the market.
Sometimes, kids don't want to be told what to build. They need to figure it out themselves, making the puzzle piece-shaped Plus Plus sets appropriate for kids trying to bring their imagination to life. Children discover how to build three-dimensional structures and creatures on their own. They're also portable so you can take them on that road-trip to LEGOLAND.
These building toys look very similar to Magnatiles, another building toy that parents of preschoolers are undoubtedly familiar with. However, the size of the pieces and placement of magnets in Magformers make it much easier to build three-dimensional structures than with Magnatiles.
Whether your child would want Mattel's Mega Bloks depends on what they're into. LEGO has the rights to Super Mario, but Mega Bloks has Pokemon and Halo building sets. On the preschool front, if your little one likes Thomas the Tank Engine, Mega Bloks has plenty of sets available, too. Fisher-Price also manufactures them, so plenty of cool accessories, like a construction table, are available for your child's building sets.
It isn't easy to find a place to sit in my living room on Saturday mornings because my sons take every couch and chair cushion in sight and use it to build a fort. Superspace solves that problem with its extra large felt magnetic panels, which allow children to create structures that won't easily fall apart. Think giant Magformers that keep kids occupied while you catch up on basketball highlights.
LEGO's architecture sets are one reason the childhood building blocks resonate with adults. However, if the price of building your favorite structure seems steep, you can always get a similar set from Wange. They have sets based on the London Bridge or The White House for a more reasonable price than their Danish counterparts.
There's no school like the old school, and nothing older than this over-century-old building set designed by the son of American architect Frank Lloyd Wright. The fact that your child's great-great-grandfather also played with Lincoln Logs says a lot about how this simple toy has endured, even when interlocking plastic blocks began to capture the imagination of children around the world.
My oldest son is currently obsessed with anything historical, so Cobi's sets featuring historical aircraft, tanks, and airplanes would be perfect for his next construction project. They also offer Maserati cars, historic trains, and some planes from the hit film Top Gun: Maverick.
Tinkertoys might be the original STEAM-based toy, and they are perfect for preschoolers who just want to use their hands to build something fun. Older kids who might not be ready for K'Nex can assemble a robot or another creature by mixing and matching the rods, spools, and connectors.
There’s so much parenting guilt and anxiety around the subject of screen time. If you let your kids play video games as much as they want to, they may disappear into a virtual world, never to be seen again. If you set limits, you get to listen to endless negotiations for more screen time.
You probably know from your own experience that digital gaming isn't all bad: It can be a relaxing way to zone out, build skills, or spark your imagination. So how can you let your kids experience those benefits without fear of breaking their delicately wired little brains?
Dr. Alok Kanojia, psychiatrist and founder of the Healthy Gamer coaching program, had his own struggles with gaming as a young person, eventually dropping out of college and moving to an ashram. Eventually, he went back to college and medical school, and now he works with families to find the balance between the entertainment of playing games and the danger of gaming overtaking other pleasures and necessities in a child’s life. Kanojia recently wrote a book on the subject, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids.
He shared some warning signs of unhealthy gaming and tips for parents to promote a good gaming relationship.
You might be wondering if your child’s gaming habits amount to an “addiction”—a frightening label for any parent to grapple with. “At the end of the day, it doesn't matter and is not necessarily helpful to label it as an addiction or not. If it’s causing a problem, then it is a problem,” Kanojia says.
These are the signs that gaming might be causing a problem for your child:
Neglecting other activities or responsibilities in favor of gaming
Isolation from friends and family in favor of gaming
Sleeping too much or not enough
Neglecting hygiene
Not enjoying things they used to enjoy
Lying about gaming
Increased irritability or moodiness when not gaming
Trouble interacting with people or participating in class
Overspending on games
“Remember, these are indicators, not absolutes, and open communication is key to understanding the underlying reasons and seeking help if needed,” Kanojia says.
Whether you’ve recognized signs of a gaming problem or you are hoping to prevent one, Kanojia has pointers for parents to keep gaming habits healthy.
Keep communication about video games open.
Talk openly about gaming, like your experience with video games, what games they are curious about, what they like about them.
Set clear expectations about when and where gaming is allowed, and what games are acceptable.
Listen actively, reflecting and affirming what you hear, asking questions for clarity.
Avoid shaming. Try to understand what they enjoy about gaming rather than judging or dismissing.
Prioritize balance and other activities.
Encourage diverse interests in other media, hobbies, books, physical activities, socializing, or community engagement.
Set realistic screen time limits.
Set aside family time without screens.
Lead by example with your own healthy tech habits.
Build trust and collaboration with your gaming kid.
Involve your child in creating gaming rules. Offer your ideas and ask for their suggestions. If you clearly communicate your concerns while they clearly communicate their desires, you can more easily find a solution that suits everyone.
Offer alternatives to fulfill their needs. Understanding what your child gets out of gaming will help you brainstorm other activities that can scratch the same itch.
Seek professional help if needed. A third party like a therapist may be able to guide both of you toward a healthy solution.
Get everyone on the same page. Expectations should be clearly defined and communicated, including boundaries around gaming time, content, and in-game purchases.
“Build trust and collaboration by working together on solutions, offering alternatives, and celebrating their progress,” Kanojia says.
Kids’ brains and abilities change so much throughout childhood. Your approach to gaming will change too. Kanojia shared some tips for handling video games for children at different ages.
This is likely when children will first be exposed to games unless they’ve been watching you play since birth (no shade). Here’s how to get them started on the right foot:
Make sure the games they explore are age-appropriate.
Stick to short, supervised gaming sessions.
Encourage active play.
Talk to kids openly about online safety.
Kids in their tweens are savvy about devices and are probably getting interested in playing games they learn about from friends. Here’s how to help them explore:
Supervise while they venture into different games and genres.
Negotiate and agree on appropriate screen time.
Encourage social gaming while emphasizing safety.
Monitor their online behavior.
They are on the threshold of adulthood, so teens need to practice independence with the safety and support of actual adults behind them. Here’s how to help them be healthy independent gamers:
Respect their autonomy. You’ve been openly communicating about what they want from gaming and what your expectations are. This is where they test the waters and apply your guidance in their decisions.
Discuss responsible choices. Gaming all night before a final or gaming to let off steam after the final? Help them see the difference between a choice that is in their best interest and one that is not.
Promote responsible communication and positive online interactions.
Offer support and guidance.
“Remember, these are general guidelines,” Kanojia says. “Adapt them to your child's individual needs and maturity level. By focusing on communication, balance, and trust, you can help your child navigate the world of gaming in a healthy and enriching way.”
Even though it's (probably) happened a few times in their short lives, it never gets easier when our kids get sick. Every time they cough or whimper, it sends our pulses racing. While we may think we know what to do when our child is under the weather, we tend to call friends and family for advice, or google their symptoms, even when common sense dictates that they just need rest, comfort, and hydration.
So, OK, you know what you should do—but what should you avoid? Since the internet is full of suggestions that could lead you astray, we've put together an explainer of what you shouldn't do when getting your child back to full strength.
When our kids come down with a cold, our first instinct is to run out and buy an immunity booster with high doses of vitamin C to help them recover naturally.
But Dr. Mollie Grow, MD, MPH, at Seattle Children's Hospital and Professor of Pediatrics in General Pediatrics at the University of Washington, says that while focusing on giving your child healthy, nutrient-rich foods is a good strategy as your kid's body is healing, there has been no evidence to suggest that high concentrations of vitamin C will improve their recovery more than a regular dose.
Speaking of treats, if one of your child's symptoms is diarrhea, sugary foods and drinks can worsen matters. Grow recommends diluting fruit juices, putting them on ice, or freezing them into popsicles to make them less concentrated.
"If a kid has a sore throat, these are things that can be a little bit numbing to swollen or painful areas," says Grow.
That said, there is nothing wrong with making your child feel comfortable if they aren't feeling well. It won't impede their recovery if you stop for a Happy Meal on the way home from the doctor's office.
"I think take everything in moderation," says Grow.
In addition to rest and hydration, your child may need to take an over-the-counter or prescribed medication to make them feel more comfortable. There are typically instructions to give them a dosage every several hours, but if your child is resting when it's time to take the next dose, you shouldn't wake them up.
"Let kids sleep because sleep is such an important part of our body's healing process," says Grow. "So much of our recovery is through extra rest and sleep. Allowing the body to do what it wants to do naturally with sleep is important."
Most over-the-counter children's cough remedies are not effective, per Grow. "They're basically kind of placebo medicines," she adds. Add sore throat sprays to this list, as well. Most cold medicines aren't recommended for children under four, anyway.
There are more natural alternatives to treating coughs and sore throats. For children older than one, honey has been shown to be more effective than over-the-counter cough suppressants with its natural anti-inflammatory properties, per Grow. (However, honey should never be given to children under a year old—they're extra susceptible to a type of bacteria called Clostridium, which can cause infant botulism.)
Grow says that VapoRub and a cough lozenge can also be effective for kids with stuffy noses, sore throats, and cough. What they can take depends on age, however, so check labels carefully.
Speaking of labels, if you're giving your kid children's formula acetaminophen (like Tylenol) or ibuprofen (like Motrin) for pain relief or to lower their fever, it can be tricky to know if you are giving the correct dosage. Most include a dosage cup or syringe to help you confirm you're giving your child the right amount, so use it.
"Just take the time to make sure that you know your child's weight and that you're using the correct measurement for their dose," adds Grow.
It's a common myth that going outside when your child is sick isn't healthy. However, having them stare at a television or tablet all day can strain their eyes and cause headaches. Grow says it's okay to let them go outside and get some fresh air if they feel up to it.
"Being in nature regulates our systems," she adds. "Just walking or something that's not exerting, but doing something [outside] is very therapeutic overall."
If your child has a fever but can eat, stay hydrated, and doesn't show a change in their mental status, you can monitor them from home for several days. Treat them with children's formula acetaminophen or ibuprofen, preferably without additional flavors or colors. However, if symptoms change or their fever lasts more than five days, Grow says it might be a good idea to visit the doctor.
Having a physical connection with you can be therapeutic for your kid, and feeling comfortable can aid in their recovery. If you're concerned about catching whatever they're carrying, consider wearing a mask to prevent getting sick yourself. Don't forget to wash your hands often, avoid sharing food and utensils, and keep plenty of hand sanitizer handy.
While it's frustrating being home with a sick kid, it does mean they're building their immunity. "Getting through an illness will hopefully mean that kids have some better protection the next time it comes around," says Grow.
George and Amal Clooney. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel. Emily Blunt and John Krasinski. What do these celebrity parents have in common? They've all used parenting coaches to assist them in raising their children.
The concept of parents and caregivers seeking professional guidance to enhance their parenting skills has seen a significant rise in acceptance and popularity over the last two decades. This trend is prevalent in celebrity circles and among parents who aspire to lay a strong foundation of success for their family and have the means to pursue it.
"We think we should have it all figured out, but sometimes getting a little outside perspective can make all the difference," says Chelsea Kunde, a professional coach and founder of Building Blocks Family, located in Scottsdale, Ariz.
While parenting coaches may be a popular choice among celebrities, they might be able to positively impact your family, too.
Kunde works with a child's parent(s) or caregivers to help them succeed in one or all of her three specialty areas: potty training, sleep, and discipline.
"My whole philosophy is that I want to work with families to create a home life that feels productive, happy, and like it's working well," Kunde says."That might look different for every family. I always say, 'What works in my house might not work in yours.'"
Another way Kunde helps parents is to enable them to get on the same page so their children see that they're working together. Most parents have the same overarching goals, so Kunde works to break things down to help parents find that common ground.
"You're certainly not going to agree on every little aspect all the time," she says. "That's just normal. I do feel like it's common for everybody, even if you have a super solid partnership. It's going to present as a challenge at some point in child-rearing."
A parent herself, Kunde knows that raising children can be very vulnerable, and it's hard to ask for help, so she tries to put what she does in perspective for potential clients.
"If my car were making a weird noise, I would get help for that," she says. "It doesn't mean that I have a horrible car. We might need some tweaking and extra help and support, and that's a good thing. Getting a little outside perspective can make all the difference."
If you think hiring a parenting coach will be like an episode of the reality show Supernanny, Kunde, who also has a Master's degree in marriage and family therapy, can tell you it doesn't quite work that way.
"I think it's important to have goals with the families that you're working with that meet their needs," she says.
These goals are established in a consultation to develop trust and see where parents struggle. Each plan differs based on the information Kunde gathered about the family during their meeting and could include calls, texts, and emails as needed.
"Typical consultations are about two hours in length," she says. "It's really collaborative. Some families add on and continue to work with me and have more one-on-one coaching. Some families say they need the two hours and are off and running on their own."
Kunde says parents looking for a coach should find one that aligns with their philosophy. You can look at testimonials on their website or check out their social media feeds to get a read of what services they offer, where their perspective is, and if they'd be a good fit for your family.
Kunde will often talk with parents for a few minutes to assess the situation and explain her services, and if it doesn't look like she'll be a good fit for them, she will tell them and offer the family a referral.
"It's just like picking a doctor or purchasing a house," she says. "I really do feel like it comes down to making sure you're compatible."
Parenting advice has come a long way since the days of Dr. Spock, and resources are more accessible now than they were back then. Coaches like Kunde offer group consultations, in-person classes, and plenty of content on social media and websites. Many coaches now provide an online option, as well, to get more bang for your buck.
"Sometimes you just need a little tip here or a little trick there," she says. "It's always helpful to know that you're able to access people that way."
Who doesn’t want kids who recognize all the good things in life and express gratitude for them? Unfortunately, our sweet baby angels aren’t born grateful, but according to developmental psychologist Dr. Aliza Pressman, you can help children develop gratitude at any age.
In her new book, The 5 Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans, Pressman writes about the Resilience GAMES, an acronym for Gratitude, Autonomy, Motivation, Empathy, and Self-regulation.
Don’t feel bad if your kid is self-absorbed; Pressman says they are meant to be.
“No matter what we do to raise grateful children, it doesn’t mean they’re going to say ‘I appreciate you’ when we want them to,” she wrote.
This means you: Getting your gratitude game in shape is the first step to promoting gratitude in children. Pressman recommends a morning and evening gratitude check-in.
In the morning, say one of these phrases to yourself:
“I’ll say thank you to someone today.”
“I’ll show appreciation to someone today.”
“When someone helps me today, I’ll feel a sense of thankfulness.”
“I’ll notice three people or things I feel lucky to have in my life today.”
In the evenings, ask yourself:
“Did I say thank you to someone today?”
“Did I show appreciation to someone today?”
“When someone helped me, did I feel a sense of thankfulness today?”
“Did I notice three people or things I feel lucky to have in my life today?”
Set an example. Your tiny baby isn’t really going to understand gratitude, but it’s not too early to start modeling. Pressman recommends naming three things about your baby that delight you.
Take a gratitude walk. Narrate what you appreciate for your child: “I’m so glad this flower is blooming” or “the sunshine feels so nice today.” If your toddler shows that they are delighted by something, Pressman wrote, put words to the feeling for them: “You’re grateful for this fun puddle.”
Play "rose, bud, thorn." Try this activity at dinner time or another time when your family gathers most days.
“In the exercise, each family member shares one thing they’re grateful for that happened that day (that’s the rose), one thing they didn’t like so much (that’s the thorn), and one thing they’re looking forward to (that’s the bud),” Pressman wrote. “One of the parents I work with likes to add a feather—something that made them laugh. This practice can help children and adults hunt for the good stuff without denying that, sure, there are going to be thorns in life, too. We’re allowed to be grateful even as we feel the whole range of emotions that humans experience.”
Create a family gratitude journal. Have each family member record something they are grateful for in the shared family journal one to three times a week.
You can also set up an allowance jar for each child. If your kids get an allowance, have them divide their money to give, save, or spend.
“Giving bolsters the giver’s, as well as the receiver’s, sense of gratefulness,” Pressman wrote.
Give back with service. Continue the activities listed above to make gratitude a regular part of family interactions, but also encourage tweens and teens to choose a community service project to donate their time to.
As a caregiver to young children, you give, give, give them so much—opportunities, experiences, objects, food, shelter, affection, time, energy. At times it can be hard to not have your own meltdown when they shrug off your efforts or ask for even more.
Don’t worry: Pressman says it is not developmentally appropriate for kids to recognize every precious thing and express their gratitude for it.
For example, tweens live in the moment and may not think about the effort that goes into an experience or the benefits they will receive in the future. To help them understand how you feel, say something like this: “Here is where I’m coming from: I planned this trip/party/day/meal. It wasn’t easy. This is very special to me. I get why you don’t value it the way I do, but I’m asking you to bring your attention back to where we are.”
“Instilling gratitude, like so much of parenting, is all about playing the long game,” Pressman wrote.
Expressing gratitude starts with saying “thank you,” even if children don’t quite get why adults appreciate the expression.
“Toddlers typically begin to say ‘thank you’ around age two, but those early verbal expressions are more about manners and the way kids learn to make the adults in their lives happy,” Pressman wrote. “There’s nothing wrong with good manners—I’m a big fan of good manners!—but that deeper sense of gratitude psychologists associate with everything from better health and happiness, to better grades and lower stress levels at college, seems to emerge when kids are around 7 years old. Gratitude remains a work in progress throughout childhood and adolescence.”
Parenting is hard, especially when life gets complicated and overwhelming. It can be all too easy to let things fall through the cracks when you're dealing with family emergencies, juggling family and a demanding job, or trying to balance the needs of everyone in the family. Sometimes, despite a parent’s best efforts and intentions, this can lead to a child feeling ignored.
“Feeling seen and heard is crucial for mental health,” says Mary Murphy, a child psychologist at Stanford University, and the author of the book Cultures of Growth. “When kids don’t feel seen or heard, they experience more anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.”
Children can end up feeling ignored by their parents for a number of reasons. Some of the major reasons, according to Murphy, can include a lack of attention from their parents; having a sibling that is either high-needs or high-achieving, to the point that there is a skewed balance of time and attention spent on different children; or if there is a lot of conflict within the family, which can often divert time and energy away from a child.
If a child is starting to feel like their parents are ignoring them, they will often exhibit a number of early warning signs, such as asking a lot of questions, making a lot of demands to spend time with their parent; or asking to do specific activities together. “These are signals or cues that kids want to engage more with their parents,” Murphy says.
These are some of the early signs that a child is feeling ignored. If this continues for a while, then children will often progress to showing either anger, resentment or apathy at school or at home. Whether it’s throwing a tantrum or tuning out, these behaviors can be a warning sign that they’ve been feeling ignored for a while.
As Murphy notes, there are a number of ways that a child can end up feeling ignored, whether it’s due to tensions between family members, having a sibling who is being treated differently by their parents, or from a general lack of attention. Generally speaking, some of the major mistakes that Murphy sees are parents ignoring some of the early warning signs, waiting only until their child starts acting out, or failing to recognize the impact that treating their children differently can have.
“By stereotyping kids and their personalities and abilities—this kid is great at math, that kid is more of an artist—it puts kids in boxes and can make kids feel ignored or unheard,” Murphy says. This can also have the effect of making children hesitant to try new activities or to take risks.
As Murphy notes, there are a number of ways in which parents can help their children feel seen and heard. One important strategy is to make time for regular check-ins with each child and to make it a priority to spend regular quality time with them.
Another key strategy is to foster an environment where they feel comfortable asking questions, trying out new things, and being given the space to fail, as this will help them feel accepted for who they are. “Make sure they know they can change their minds, and that you’ll check in here and there to ensure they are having a good time while learning and growing,” Murphy says.
It can also help to encourage their interests, and to make an active effort to keep up to date on what these interests are, as that has the effect of letting them know that their parents understand and accept them. “Seeing them as unique individuals outside the positive or negative perceptions and stereotypes that are often applied to them helps kids feel validated and whole,” Murphy says.
It's common for children to refuse to change their clothes: They're notoriously stubborn. However, for some children, clothing sensitivity can be a true challenge, ranging from discomfort with harsh fabrics, seams, and tags to the extreme of wearing only one type of clothing daily. These issues may exist alongside other sensitivities, like touch, textures, and temperature.
"Protected nerve pathways lead up to the brain and alert you to danger," explains Lindsey Biel, occupational therapist and co-author of Raising A Sensory Smart Child. "It's like when you feel a mosquito, and you quickly go to swat it, hopefully before you've been bitten. But the volume [of that signal] is too high for some kids, so a lovely soft shirt that just lightly grazes your skin triggers protection and feelings."
These sensations can be heightened during winter when skin becomes drier and more sensitive, leading to kids feeling discomfort and, in some cases, removing their clothes as a result. If your child is experiencing sensitivity to clothing, here are some things you can do to help them manage it.
For those with sensory processing issues, the feeling of their clothing can be a constant distraction, making it challenging for parents to decide how to best accommodate their child's clothing sensitivity.
Try to pinpoint what might be triggering your child's sensitivity. Do they not like getting towel-dried after bathing? Do they avoid loose-fitting clothing? Biel recommends using this checklist to help you determine what is activating your kid's symptoms.
Clothing sensitivities can be caused by fabrics or accessories, so it may be necessary to find some other options. Biel recommends avoiding synthetic fabrics and clothing with a lot of itchy seams, zippers, and tags. Have your kid wear all-natural fabrics, except wool, as it can cause itching.
"Have only acceptable clothing in their drawers," says Biel. "If there's a brand of shirt your child likes, go buy multiples."
Other options include one-piece suits, weighted vests, and compression clothing to help children self-regulate. There are several places on the internet where you can order sensory-friendly clothing to meet your child's needs.
How you wash your child's clothes can also exacerbate their sensitivity. Some fabric softeners leave a residue on their clothing. Avoid detergents with perfumes and dyes, and think about what soaps you're using that can trigger conditions such as eczema. Massage moisturizers on your child's skin in the winter as it can become dry and especially sensitive during the cold months.
"Adding good fatty oils to food will help moisturize the skin from the inside," adds Biel.
When introducing new items to their wardrobe, let your children touch and hold the clothing before wearing it. This allows them to gradually become used to them.
If your son or daughter becomes over-stimulated by their clothing or other items, Biel offers several activities you can try to help desensitize them:
Fill a large plastic container with beans and dry, uncooked rice, and allow your child to use it like a sandbox. This can desensitize their feet and hands.
Most clothing-sensitive children respond to deep pressure. You can create a sandwich with a pillow or cushions as the bread and your child as the peanut butter.
Similarly, you can swaddle your child in a blanket like a burrito.
There are also weighted toys and other items that can help calm your child down.
If your attempts to respond to your child's clothing sensitivity haven't yielded results, it might be time to consult a pediatrician or occupational therapist. They can work with you to help get to the root of why your child is clothing-sensitive and work on any more serious issues.
Says Biel, "You can't address the behavior until you understand what is driving the behavior."
There are right ways and wrong ways to get your kids to eat their veggies, whether it's starting a "veggie happy hour," sneaking peas into their mac and cheese (this will probably backfire), or making them clean their plate (don't do this).
A recent study offers parents a new and unusual approach: the fried "smiley face" potato. In the study, 65 children between the ages of 7-13 were served mixed peas and carrots as part of their lunch. Additionally, some kids were given diced potatoes, others a dinner roll, and the remainder were served a smiley-face tuber. Results showed that those served the grinning root vegetable ate more of their veggies than those served the other two sides.
The Alliance for Potato Research and Education funded the study, so naturally, we're skeptical of research designed to fill the pockets of the potato pushers in Idaho. But as someone who struggles to get his kids to eat their vegetables, I'm willing to try anything to get more nutrition in them.
Last week, I conducted my own extremely unscientific study using these smiley-faced fries with my boys, ages five and seven, as the subjects. Below is a daily summary of the results—which were surprising, to say the least.
Entree: Zucchini Slice
My boys were surprised to see their food smiling back at them, but neither was particularly fond of the potato's taste. I assume that was my fault, as I last made french fries when I worked at McDonald's in high school.
This aversion carried over to the vegetables on their plate: a mixed vegetable medley of corn, carrots, peas, and green beans. When I asked them if they had eaten their veggies so I could confirm what I already knew, my oldest son proudly stated he didn't touch them. My youngest declared he ate a carrot, but this claim is under investigation as there were no witnesses to the alleged consumption.
However, the joke is on them because, as its name implies, "zucchini slice" has lots of zucchini. They simply don't care. The cheddar cheese and bacon in this unusual breakfast-like meal gets all the attention, making it a staple in our home.
Entree: Lasagna
Tuesdays are usually hectic in our house as my boys have swim practice into the late evening. Usually, we make something quick like leftovers or spaghetti, but my wife had prepped a lasagna several nights before so that we could eat a little fancier this week. Go meal prep!
For the potatoes, I used this recipe as my guide because of how badly things went yesterday, so they were better received. That's good because everything else on their plate wasn't. Even my wife agreed that the lasagna recipe was a little bland. My children had several bites of the veggie medley, though I believe my oldest ate his out of spite and not because it was good for him. I guess I can consider this a win.
Entree: Garlic Parmesan Chicken
"Can I eat peas whole?" my oldest son asked us over dinner as he popped one in his mouth. I tried to contain my shock as I answered his question, then looked at my wife from across our dinner table to mouth a silent, "What the f---?" He was eating vegetables. Voluntarily.
Alongside the veggie medley (my wife thinks that consistency is a factor in the success of this experiment) was a slow cooker meal I found online that I honestly did not expect to go over well, but my oldest asked for seconds. My youngest also ate his veggies, but neither were devouring them. I'm not concerned with the amount of vegetables they're eating. I'm just happy it's happening.
Entree: Macaroni and cheese
Since the experiment worked when they were trying new things, I decided to give my boys a popular dinnertime staple: macaroni and cheese. The main dish was gone in minutes. They didn't even touch their side dishes, proving that not even the smiley potato can withstand the familiar power of pasta and cheddar.
Entree: Spinach tortellini in pesto sauce
My boys have eaten this meal since they could chew, so we have it every Friday. But I threw a wrinkle into the experiment: broccoli. The smiley-faced potato might at least prompt my boys to give the dreaded green veggie a chance, but neither touched the single stalk we put on each of their plates. My youngest even began crying when he saw broccoli next to his pasta, so we'll end this experiment with tears.
Smiley, starchy vegetables, and scientific research have given parents another tool to use in the ongoing effort to give their kids more nutrition. It's not something I'll do with every meal, but I'm prepared to surprise my kids with potato smiles when I make a new meal, to help it go down a little easier.
