I (26F) just started at a new job. I quickly realized that one of my colleagues, “Marie” is engaged and is getting married within the next 2 months. It seemed like the whole office was attending the wedding. I absolutely did not expect an invite. She just met me, weddings are planned in advance, venues booked, etc. My friend actually just got married so I saw first hand how it all worked. I could tell Marie wondered if I was expecting an invitation and was hesitant to bring up the wedding around me, but I just never made it a big deal. I don’t feel left out in the slightest.

Then, I got CC’d on an e-mail from someone that the office, Joan, throwing Marie a shower during our lunch hour in the breakroom in a couple of weeks. Joan was sending out a collection so we could give a group gift (cash) to Marie. They also suggested we make it a potluck. Joan included her Venmo and also asked we e-mail back with what we planned on bringing. Even if I’m not going to the wedding, I still believe everyone deserves to be celebrated and Venmo’d the $20, as well as sent a reply saying I’d bring lasagna.

A little later, I saw the $20 had been returned to my Venmo and Joan approached my desk. She said I didn’t need to contribute. I said even if I’m not attending the wedding, I’d still like to give Marie a little something. Joan looked a little awkward and hemmed and hawed but then eventually said “You’re not invited to the shower”. I was confused. I said “I can’t go in the company breakroom on lunch hour?” She said yes. I asked where am I supposed to go? I don’t drive (I take public transit to/from work), we don’t really work near anywhere I could go to quickly for our lunch hour. She said I could stay at my desk. I pointed out this was a little exclusionary. Joan said Marie didn’t want me to assume I was invited to the wedding. I said I don’t at all. I completely understand I haven’t worked here long and we’re not close enough. I’m not hurt by that. She said that’s great, but I still can’t come. I asked if I had done anything to offend Marie and she said no. She just doesn’t want me “getting my hopes up”. I finally let it go and just said fine, have a good party. The day of the shower, I sat at my desk during the party while everyone else went, eating my lunch alone. One kind person snuck me a piece of cake.

Halfway through the party, the “big boss” came in. She usually doesn’t work on Fridays, so it was a surprise to see her. She saw me sitting at my desk and asked why I wasn’t at the party. I told her I hadn’t been invited. She was clearly perturbed by this. Later on, she sent an e-mail out banning parties of any kind during work hours. A few people, Joan and Marie included, realize I’m the one who told. They’ve now turned on me.

Some friends say I’m in the wrong here and that I should’ve lied to the big boss and said I was busy with work to finish or something, so as not to ruin it for everyone else. AITA?