My wife's friend was supposed to come watch fireworks with us tonight, but she just texted my wife that she isn't coming because I'm a nasty person who encourages my child to be rude and disrespectful. My wife and I just had a small argument about the situation that ended with her pulling a Big Lebowski on me and saying I don't have to be wrong to be an asshole. That's true, but I think her friend is the asshole, not me. I'll tell you what happened, and you decide for us.

My wife's friend was at our house for dinner. She's a teacher, and she complains about it a lot. She says the parents are impossible to deal with, the administration is not supportive, everyone has an opinion on curriculum and the kids don't listen. I include these complaints as context for the discussion. She told my wife she was working on her lesson plan for February and Black History Month and that she was making a fact sheet about Martin Luther King Jr for her kids.

Our son, who is a huge Star Trek fan, said that she should include the fact that MLKJ was a Star Trek fan. My wife's friend, with a very patronizing tone and expression I might add, said that maybe he would have been if he'd still been alive when it aired. My son said that he was, and that he used to watch it with his daughters. My wife's friend said that he died before the show aired. I told her she was wrong and my son was right. She said I was a perfect example of a parent that can't acknowledge when her child was wrong. I said no, you're a perfect example of a teacher that assumes she knows everything and can't connect with her students because she doesn't respect them.

My wife forced us all to change the topic. After dessert I pulled up a video on YouTube where Nichelle Nichols was discussing talking to MLKJ about Star Trek. I showed it to everyone. My wife's friend asked why I couldn't let the topic lie. I said I didn't want my son to feel like he was wrong for sharing facts he knows about his interests. My wife's friend said I don't know what it's like to be a teacher. I said I don't, but I know she's a bad one. She said I'd never seen her in the classroom. I said I didn't need to because I see how she is in her daily life, and people are who they are regardless of where they are.

So my wife's argument is I'm an asshole for bringing the topic back up after it was settled. She said I could have played the video for our son after her friend left and taught him about giving others grace and not needing external validation. I disagree and think it is important our kid knows we will always stand up for him. So am I an asshole?

My (29M) girlfriend (27F) of 3 years had her birthday yesterday and I wanted to surprise her by waking her up to bed in breakfast on her birthday. For some background, she has always been somewhat of a picky eater in the sense that she will try things but if it doesnt blow her mind or make her happy/excited to eat it then she wont finish it. Caused some problems in the beginning of our relationship when I was still trying to hone my cooking skills for her since neither of us knew how to cook. Nowadays I obviously have adjusted to her palate, gotten much better, and havent had issues since the beginning.

Flash forward to yesterday for her bday, i decided to make breakfast burritos with sides of egg, hashbrowns, sausage and bacon. Ive made it for her in the past and she says its one of her favorite things I make for her, so I had no stress whatsoever. That was all until i started making the eggs and realized we only had 2% milk in the house (she likes whole milk because it makes the eggs creamier). I was already halfway through cooking and didnt want to involve her and ruin the surprise so I just used 2% milk instead thinking it wouldnt be a big difference for her. I was incredibly wrong.

I lit some scented candles she loves, put on our favorite show, and gave her her plate of food. She was so excited for a moment but then she paused and asked me "Did you have to run out and get whole milk? Because I noticed we ran out the other day. And you need whole milk for eggs" so I told her no and that I just used 2% because I couldnt stop halfway through to run out for 30 minutes to get milk. She just sighed and started tearing up because she couldn't eat anything with the eggs in it then. She said that she tried 2% milk eggs once when she was little and didnt like it. So she felt disappointed now and only ate the hashbrowns and meat. I begged her to at least try a bite of the burrito to see if she likes it because I really didnt want to start her bday off on a bad note, but she refused and wouldnt even try the burrito since it had egg. It annoyed me that she wouldnt even try it but I srayed calm and didnt want to make things worse.

We moved on from it and i focused on keeping her happy for the rest of her bday, and things went well until we were leaving her parents house when she said something along the lines of "Im glad we got to see you guys and thank you dad for cooking dinner, because I need at least one guy in my life that knows how to cook good food". And trust me, the tone was not playful and she was staring straight at me with a serious face when she said it. It caught me so offguard and immediately frustrated me, so we got in a fight during the drive home and barely spoke the rest of the night. I feel terrible since it was her bday, but I genuinely dont feel like I did anything that wrong. I made a mistake with the eggs, but she was the one who brought it up to make me look bad and make it a big deal. Am I the AH?

My wife and I had our son 4 months ago. We had a name chosen early in her pregnancy. We kept that name to ourselves but my SIL (married to my brother) found it out when she was still pregnant with my nephew (almost 7 months old). She never said how. She just told us she loved the name, congrats and she couldn't wait to meet him. We assume she snooped because she was not told. I even mentioned it to my brother and he said that his wife does like to browse through people's things like it was no biggie.

Then when my nephew was born they announced his name and it was the name we chose. First, middle and last name. My brother called right after SIL posted the announcement and he told me to keep quiet because his wife had a rough birth and she didn't need drama and he knew we might not like it but she really wanted the name.

Her reason? My brother and I have matching twin-like names and SIL wanted to connect our two boys by just giving them the same name so they were each other's namesake.

My wife and I talked it over and we decided to pick a different name. But we'd pretend to keep the original name until there was zero risk of SIL changing my nephew's name (6 months after a birth is harder to make a change in our state).

We only started telling people the true name last week. My parents and sisters said it made sense. Friends and my ILs understood why we did it. My brother told me I upset his wife by silently doing this shit and taking away her choice to match the boys. He told me it was a dick move. I told him his wife using the full name we chose was a dick move.

I asked him if he considered how much tougher it would be with both boys enrolled in the same schools with the very same name. Not to mention banking, doctors, dental all kinds of stuff. He told me plenty of people have the same name and it's not a big deal and it's harder to mix shit up now and we're just trying to gatekeep names.

I think he's cray. So does my wife. She said he clearly doesn't want SIL to be mad. But AITA for what I did? Like are we weird for thinking of this kind of stuff?

My ( F34) boyfriend ( Charles M38)and I celebrate our birthdays together. This year, I contributed a small private room at a restaurant, and we invited 11 people. 4 of them are my local friends. The rest are his family members. I wanted to celebrate a new achievement in my career and thought it would be great to just splurge a little and get some delicious food. So we had access to the menu, drinks and our cake. I had agreed to pay for ½ of the food aside from having rented the small space myself. The space was paid for in advance, the food at the end ( as in any restaurant).

We had issues last year because I felt that he was doing low effort things while I always did my best to give him a nice birthday celebration. We have an income gap, but it wasn't even about money. I was making less money last year, and I still made things work for him.

So this year, he took care of inviting people, paid for the cake, and got me a spice rack as a present (which I loved).

I made myself pretty, got my eyebrows and eyelashes done, and had my hair done. We were told to pose and pretend to blow the candles ( because I didn't want to blow our germs on the cake). Then we each had a picture alone with the cake. When it was my turn, I was holding the cake when he pushed my face towards the cake, so I tried to fight it. His family started cheering, and he arched over my body and forced me to bend over until my face smashed the cake. My friends tried to get him off me, and he resorted to plastering cake and frosting on my hair. I don't need to describe the mess because I'll never be able to end this post, but I ended up slapping him when he attempted to do it again. His mother got up, and she got into an argument with one of my guests. I had to cross the main floor with cake all over my face to use the restroom. When I looked in the mirror, I had cake on my neck, and my blouse had red and blue coloring that didn't come off. I had to wash my face and got my hair in a bun because it looked less messy that way.

When I came back, his family were all long faces. I told him what he did was unacceptable, and he said it was just a joke, that everybody has done that for ages and that me slapping him just ruined my image in front of his family. I started crying and gathered all my stuff to leave. I notified him that he should pay for himself and his guests. My friends insisted on paying for their own food, but I refused, and we ended the night right there. My friends wanted to treat me to having dinner elsewhere, but I wasn't comfortable with my appearance. They ended up sending me the money that I spent, and that broke my heart.

Charles had to pay for ½ of the remaining bill and got charged a cleaning fee. I still love him, but I'm clear that I'll never be able to forgive him. We talked about it, and I ended things. He's convinced that I never loved him. He acknowledged what he did was wrong but is adamant that his family hates me for slapping him and that it's my fault. I told him that he ruined not only our birthday but also my way to celebrate my career milestone. I've worked very hard to get to where I am and that his behavior showed me what my future will look like. And that I'm sorry to say it, but he was so aggressive and so focused on making his family laugh at my expense that I just realized he's not good enough and that I've lost my confidence to be seen with him in public, because I don't know what else he will pull out of his ass.

He says he paid for that cake, that he's not saying that it was okay to smash it, but it's not like I paid for everything. He wanted me to apologize to his mom, but I refused.

Important: I'm not proud of my reaction. We've never had any physical altercations. He says his mother feels humiliated because of what I did and that she has been struggling with mild depression for years ( I didn't know), and I came off as violent.

AITA for refusing? I already blocked him.

Edit: his guests paid for the other half of his bill after being told they needed not pay for anything.

Throwaway account. This happened this morning, and I’m so upset I don’t know what to do.

I (36M) have been with my fiancée (33F) for three years. I have a 10 year old daughter from my previous marriage. Her mother passed away when she was 2.5. My fiancée is currently pregnant.

Yesterday, my daughter asked me to buy a giant cupcake from a bakery near my work. She wanted to take it to school to surprise her friend for their birthday. I also bought an extra cupcake for my fiancée. She devoured hers right away.

My daughter was really excited and put a nice ribbon around the box before leaving it in the fridge to take to school in the morning. Apparently, my fiancée craved it in the middle of the night and ate the other cupcake.

This morning, my daughter woke up to a big disappointing surprise. She started crying and screaming. I asked my fiancée why she did that, and she said her craving was so bad she couldn’t sleep. Then she yelled, “It’s called being pregnant, jerks!”

My daughter screamed that she hates her and the baby already. I told her, “I’ll buy another one today and maybe drop it off so you can give it to your friend after school?” She said, “Don’t bother.”

Later, my fiancée texted me saying she’s upset that I didn’t stand up for her when my daughter was mean and that my daughter and I owe her an apology.

I’m sitting in my car wondering what the hell to do. Was I an asshole for not standing up for her? I feel lost

I (26F) just started at a new job. I quickly realized that one of my colleagues, “Marie” is engaged and is getting married within the next 2 months. It seemed like the whole office was attending the wedding. I absolutely did not expect an invite. She just met me, weddings are planned in advance, venues booked, etc. My friend actually just got married so I saw first hand how it all worked. I could tell Marie wondered if I was expecting an invitation and was hesitant to bring up the wedding around me, but I just never made it a big deal. I don’t feel left out in the slightest.

Then, I got CC’d on an e-mail from someone that the office, Joan, throwing Marie a shower during our lunch hour in the breakroom in a couple of weeks. Joan was sending out a collection so we could give a group gift (cash) to Marie. They also suggested we make it a potluck. Joan included her Venmo and also asked we e-mail back with what we planned on bringing. Even if I’m not going to the wedding, I still believe everyone deserves to be celebrated and Venmo’d the $20, as well as sent a reply saying I’d bring lasagna.

A little later, I saw the $20 had been returned to my Venmo and Joan approached my desk. She said I didn’t need to contribute. I said even if I’m not attending the wedding, I’d still like to give Marie a little something. Joan looked a little awkward and hemmed and hawed but then eventually said “You’re not invited to the shower”. I was confused. I said “I can’t go in the company breakroom on lunch hour?” She said yes. I asked where am I supposed to go? I don’t drive (I take public transit to/from work), we don’t really work near anywhere I could go to quickly for our lunch hour. She said I could stay at my desk. I pointed out this was a little exclusionary. Joan said Marie didn’t want me to assume I was invited to the wedding. I said I don’t at all. I completely understand I haven’t worked here long and we’re not close enough. I’m not hurt by that. She said that’s great, but I still can’t come. I asked if I had done anything to offend Marie and she said no. She just doesn’t want me “getting my hopes up”. I finally let it go and just said fine, have a good party. The day of the shower, I sat at my desk during the party while everyone else went, eating my lunch alone. One kind person snuck me a piece of cake.

Halfway through the party, the “big boss” came in. She usually doesn’t work on Fridays, so it was a surprise to see her. She saw me sitting at my desk and asked why I wasn’t at the party. I told her I hadn’t been invited. She was clearly perturbed by this. Later on, she sent an e-mail out banning parties of any kind during work hours. A few people, Joan and Marie included, realize I’m the one who told. They’ve now turned on me.

Some friends say I’m in the wrong here and that I should’ve lied to the big boss and said I was busy with work to finish or something, so as not to ruin it for everyone else. AITA?

I (18F) have been dating my bf, C (19M) for about two years. Our relationship is usually pretty good, but recently we had this really weird conflict where I feel like I'm being gaslighted into feeling like the villain. The other day, me and C were at his house, watching tv, and then he suddenly asked me. "Would you still date me if I was trans?" I am 100% a cishet girl, and although I am an ally, I wouldn't date a trans-girl, even if she was my SO before the transition. I told him something along the lines of "No, because I'm not attracted to women" Then he got really weird and angry. He started talking about how it shouldn't matter what gender he was because I loved him and we have been dating for a long time. Then he called me transphobic. I was really taken aback by this attack because of a hypothetical statement, so I told him it wasn't transphobic to not want to date someone of a gender you're not attracted to. Then I asked im why he was getting his pages in a bunch because of this weird scenario. He told me to leave the house. That was 4 days ago and now although the typical Redditor scenario of his grandma's dog texted us ranting or something didn't happen, our friends have asked us what's going on because they know something happened. I feel bad because he genuinely thought I was being an arsehole for my answers even though I thought they were respectful to the trans community. AITAH?

UPDATE: Idk if many of you will see this, but I called my boyfriend and asked him about the question. He said recently he had been "rethinking his gender" (his own words). I said that, although I would be there for him obviously, I wouldn't be attracted to him physically if he decided to transition. I'm trying to help him through it but we both thought because of our answers we should probably break up. He apologised to me for calling me transphobic and the other stuff. Also, I have been seeing transphobic comments on this post and I'd like to clarify: Transphobia is never ok.

I (42M) have two biological children, Anna (16F) and Jake (14M), from my first marriage. When their mother passed away, she left them a substantial inheritance, which I’ve carefully managed in trust funds for their future education and other needs. My late wife and I always prioritized their future, and this money is meant to support their goals, whether that’s college, starting a business, or something else they dream of.

A few years ago, I married my current wife (39F), who has two kids from her previous marriage, Ethan (15M) and Sophie (12F). I love my stepchildren and treat them with the same care and respect as my own, but their father is still in their lives and provides financial support. While I contribute to their day-to-day needs, my wife and I never discussed blending the finances meant specifically for Anna and Jake.

Recently, my wife brought up the idea of using some of Anna and Jake’s trust funds to help with Ethan and Sophie’s upcoming expenses, such as extracurricular activities and potential college savings. She argued that it’s unfair for my biological kids to have such a financial advantage while her children don’t. She believes that as a family, we should pool resources equally for all the kids.

I told her that I couldn’t do that. The trust funds were set up solely for Anna and Jake, and I don’t think it’s right to take money from them that their late mother intended for their future. I offered to work with her to find other ways to save for Ethan and Sophie, but she was upset, accusing me of playing favorites and not fully accepting her kids as part of the family.

The argument escalated when her parents got involved, suggesting I was being selfish and that it’s my responsibility to treat all the children equally. Now, even Anna and Jake are aware of the situation and feel awkward, worrying that they’re being resented by their stepfamily.

I feel torn because I love my stepkids and want them to succeed, but I also want to honor the intentions behind the money their mother left for them. So, AITA for refusing to share my biological kids’ funds with my stepchildren?

A month ago I posted my first post, which is still up on my account. I was terrified and hurt and confused and the comments really helped me sort through everything going on.

A week later, I went into preterm labor and gave birth to my baby at 35 weeks.

A week after that, my husband beat me unconscious when he caught me googling "the signs of an abusive marriage" after he coerced me into sex a week post-partum.

Today I filed for divorce and secured a restraining order on him. My husband will never lay a hand on me or my baby ever again.

I cannot confidently say that I would have made that decision without the help of my original post. So thank you so very much. I think maybe people do not realize how much you can help a stranger on the internet, but you can. And all of you did. I will be the woman who leaves after the first time. I will be the best mother I can be, and that starts with leaving him.

Thank you.

I (53F) have been divorced from my ex-husband "Larry" (54M) for 6 years. Larry and I have two adult children, "Steve" (27M) and "Carla" (25F).

Larry and I met in college when we were both electrical engineering students. We were both very much on the nerdy side and looked the part, but were very attracted to each other (so I thought anyway). We got married soon after we graduated and both worked as engineers, but after a few years Larry decided he wanted to go to law school (to become a patent lawyer). In order to look the lawyer part, Larry underwent a major glow-up during this time on pretty much all levels (tailored clothes, fancy haircuts, designer accessories like watches, etc., along with working out to trade his "dad bod" for a lean gym bod). During this time, I was having/raising our small children, while taking care of about 95% of household matters because of his long working hours, all while working full time.

I admit I did not "glow up" along with Larry. My own appearance has always been on the plainer side - I'm not overweight but a bit stocky (5'5"/140 lbs), simply cut hair, glasses, practical clothes, not much makeup. Larry loved me as-is for about the first decade of our relationship, but after he started working as a lawyer, he started to become drawn to more conventionally attractive women and had several affairs. When I pressed for counseling, he said that the issues were things like my big nose and post-baby tummy pooch (not things I could fix with a simple makeover). I was getting organized to ask for a divorce when Carla was hit by a car while riding her bike. She survived and is fine now, but needed several years of intensive surgeries and rehab. In order to provide a unified front for Carla (and Steve), Larry and I agreed to stay married and be as cordial as possible (he continued to see other women during this time, but by this time I was past trying to get him to be faithful). We did separate (and divorce) after Carla went off to college. Larry is remarried now to a much younger woman (33F).

In the past couple years, I have actually decided to focus more on myself - including my appearance. Now that my children are grown and out of the house, and I don't have to worry about tiptoeing around a difficult husband, I finally have time and resources to do so. I didn't get a nose job or other plastic surgery like Larry had wanted, but I did update and color my hair, started working out more (lost about 15 pounds), got a new wardrobe, and actually started dating (I don't have a steady partner yet, but regularly go to age-appropriate singles events and go on dates). Unfortunately, my children detest the "new me." In particular, they blame me for the divorce and are angry that I didn't "glow up" to accommodate Larry, saying I was too selfish and lazy to do so "when it mattered." My son Steve is getting married soon, and says he is too angry to invite me to the wedding. Carla has gone low-contact with me. I had great relationships with both of them until I started my own glow-up process a couple years ago, which was a few years after Larry and I finalized our divorce. Steve and Carla have told me that the only way to fix this - the only thing that would be fair - is to go back to the way I was before - meaning stop coloring my hair, dress in my former plain/frumpy way, and stop dating. They say they are most upset about the dating and that it's not fair for me to be looking for a new partner.

So, AITAH for everything I have done here - for not improving my appearance until after I got divorced? I really don't think Larry would have been faithful to me no matter how much I twisted myself in knots. I felt I did the best I could given the energy and resources I had, and, while it may seem selfish, I do believe I deserve to have my own life now? But I am open to other opinions if I have done something wrong here.

39M here. I'm married to my high school sweetheart and we have three little girls (8F, 6F, and 3F).

When our youngest was born, we couldn't make it to the hospital on time. My older brother (41F) was driving us and luckily is a doctor (although not the kind who delivers babies). However, he pulled over and delivered my daughter on the side of the highway. I will always be grateful to him for helping keep my wife calm and making sure both her and my daughter were safe. We actually named our youngest after him (Riley) because we were so appreciative that he was there to help.

My brother has always had a bit of a crude sense of humor. After he helped my wife give birth, he started joking about the fact that he's one of the few men who's seen and touched his sister-in-law's vagina. Sometimes he adds that he's that he's one of the few men who's seen his sister-in-law shit herself (this happened during the delivery). He brings up my wife's vagina anytime he's introducing her to someone new and at almost every family gathering. Once he even said my wife has a pretty vagina. Everyone else thinks it's funny, but it makes both my wife and myself uncomfortable. It would be one thing if he made the joke once or twice, but this comes up almost every time we see him. I want to stress that this really is just his sense of humor, and I don't think he means it in a creepy way towards my wife, but it has the effect of making her uncomfortable.

A few nights ago, we were at my parents' house for dinner. I was teasing my brother about something, and he said something along the lines of, "you're just jealous I've seen your wife's vagina." I told him the joke isn't funny, and to knock it off, because it's weird and makes me uncomfortable. The table got quiet, and my brother looked pissed.

Yesterday, I got a call from my brother's wife. She was furious. She said I was trying to humiliate my brother and hurt his reputation. I said I wasn't trying to do that, but I also am tired of hearing him make crude jokes about my wife. She said that having to see my wife's vagina made HIM uncomfortable at the time, but he did it because he wanted her and our daughter to be safe, and I was now weaponizing his generous act against him. She says I owe him an apology, but I don't feel I did anything wrong? Maybe I could have told him in private, instead of raising it in front of the whole family, that I didn't like the joke. But other than that, I think it's reasonable to ask him to stop making the same weird joke over and over again. Was I being too sensitive and AITA?

I (36F) am a neurologist and I absolutely love my patients and my job. I believe there is no greater honor in life than being able to help others. The road to my medical degree was not easy, and it was paved with many rejections. I was a troubled teen in high school and I didn’t get accepted into any colleges my senior year. I had to work my way up starting with remedial classes at my local community college. When I finally got into medical school at 26 I was absolutely thrilled.

I met my husband (37M) in my third year of medical school, we have been married for four years now. My husband works in marketing, and I make three times his salary. From the beginning of our relationship, I was very upfront that I was unsure about having biological children. My dream was always to adopt from foster care and my husband seemingly understood this.

However, after his be friend had a baby boy last year, he began to really press me on having children. I was initially very against this idea because I was just beginning my career, I wanted to wait a few more years before revisiting the topic of children. In August of last year I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant due to a condom breaking during sex.

I was initially considering an abortion, but after many heartfelt conversations with my husband, we decided to keep the baby, and he would quit his job and stay home until our daughter was old enough to start preschool.

There were several factors that went into our decision to have him stay home with our daughter:

-I make significantly more money than him, so financially it just made more sense.

-I am in the first few years of my career as an attending physician. After 4 years of med school and a 4 year residency, I am just starting to practice on my own, whereas my husband has been in his career for 15 years.

-I was very clear i had absolutely ZERO desire to stay home and be a housewife. I respect stay at home mothers but my work is my life, and I would go crazy at home all day. This just isn’t a lifestyle I want whatsoever.

-Finally, I am not comfortable putting my child in daycare until she is old enough to express herself verbally. As a victim of a molestation when I was young, I just do not trust people enough to leave my daughter in the hands of strangers when she would be unable to report abuse/neglect.

Our daughter is 9 weeks old today and I am preparing to return to my practice in a few weeks. This weekend, I left my husband alone with our daughter while I attended a medical conference out of state. The conference was amazing but when I returned home, my husband began acting weird.

Today when our daughter was napping, I pressed him to tell me what was wrong. He absolutely broke down and said he doesn’t think he can do this. He expressed how trapped, alone and overwhelmed he felt all weekend. He now wants me to extend my maternity leave and is talking about trying to get his job back. This made me freak out, and I asked “Well what will we do with our daughter now?!” He responded by suggesting I leave my practice and work from home. I said absolutely not, and he suggested daycare.

At this point I just lost my shit and screamed “If i knew you were going to back out of your promise to take care of our daughter, I would have NEVER had your child”.

I know I completely overreacted and I would never trade our daughter for anything, I love her so much. But I am so upset with my husband and I’m not sure how to move forward at this point.

I(35M) am married to my wife(37F) for 11 years and together for 14. We have a beautiful 7 years old daughter and our marriage has been great without any major problems until last year. Last year, I learnt that my wife cheated on me before our marriage. One of her friends became religious and confessed her actions to me which had me confront my wife. She was shocked that I learnt it and apologized profusely about her actions. However, she said it's not something important now because we have been going strong and have a family together. She told me I should come to terms with it since it happened 4 months into being exclusive and she was a stupid girl out of college back then. My mind told me the same. It happened 14 years ago and we are happy right now. I decided to forgive her and continue our usual life.

Reality was not that great. My mental took a big hit. I realized it's not something that happened 14 years ago for me. The cheating happened for me when my wife confirmed it. I was less confident, could not have sex with my wife. I just could not get an erection for her. This turned into feeling disgusted being around her. I even took a DNA and STD test secretly. Thankfully, our daughter is mine and I am clear of STD. Then a year of intense individual therapy started for me. I realized I needed to change somehow. I was not the same person I used to be. I also communicated my feelings to my wife and after pushing a bit, we started going couples counseling too. However, at the end of everything I decided to proceed with divorce. Here are my reasonings:

• She not only cheated back then but lied to me for 14 years. She did not confess the action herself. Even though she apologized, she dismissed the fact by saying it's not important anymore
• Young me was robbed of having a choice. Cheating was(and still is) one of the biggest deal breakers for me. If I knew it back then, I would have broke it off. I am happy with my life and I am glad that our daughter came to world. She is the light that shines the brightest for me. One of the biggest reasons I keep living but I still was robbed of a choice back then.
• IC and MC could not our problems and my feelings towards her. It also started affecting family life which could affect our daughter. I think our daughter would be better off having us as co-parents instead of living in a broken family environment where consistent arguments are present.
• Sex life is basically dead for me. We do have sex but I feel like those women on film/series that just lay and look at the ceiling waiting it to be over. The only difference is that I am a man. I do not even want non-sexual gestures anymore.

Last week, I had a sit down with my wife and explained everything I wrote here in detail, my feelings, reasonings and some other private things. I have been talking to a lawyer for the last month and papers are almost finalized. 50/50 custody, 50/50 assets sharing and as amicable as possible. I explained everything throughly and clearly to her. She freaked out and had a panic attack. We spent the night at ER. She is begging me to reconsider and not throw away 14 years. However, even though I would like to stay it will results in us being roommates and a broken family environment for our daughter.

Am I in the wrong here?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years. In the beginning, things were great… But as time progressed, our relationship took a different turn.

He started being verbally abusive, and saying hurtful things, that I would later apologize because I provoked him to say that.

We would have good spells, and I thought things would be good again, and then another episode would happen that would start this vicious cycle of verbally abusing me.

Somehow, someway, it was always my fault and to this day, it’s still my fault for his actions.

Last night, I was trying to have a conversation about something he did that hurt me and he turned his back on me mid conversation and I said, “This is why I believe you don’t care.” He, then, jumped up out of his chair, punched the wall, and ran full speed towards me.

He has never laid hands on me, so I wasn’t expecting him to do what he did.

After he ran full speed towards me, he shoved me up against the wall and put his hands around my neck. While he didn’t choke me hard, he started screaming in my face and I could feel the sting of his hands around my neck after he let me go.

I walked into our bedroom and grabbed clothes to leave. He tried to stop me before walking out the door saying that “I provoked him to put his hands on me. And that he has had enough of my bitching.”

I left and went to a friends house. He started blowing my phone up calling me a liar (I told him I was going to get food because I knew if I said I was going to my friends house he wouldn’t let me leave), and that he doesn’t remember what happened because he was so mad. I came back home this morning (after he left from work), and I’m so confused whether to pack my things up or just stay.

What is weird about all this is the fact that earlier that day, I was at therapy and my therapist said, “It’s only a matter of time before he put his hands on you.” And that night he put his hands on me.

Yes, I started going to therapy because I thought I was the issue in our relationship.

Also, PLEASE… If you have never been in an abusive relationship, you don’t understand how hard it is to leave. They have a hold on you, and you don’t know how to make them release it.

My heart is telling me to leave, but my mind is playing tricks on me right now.